Looking Back At Time

Looking back in time, wondering about those lost opportunities, those lost chances which i should have taken, the path that i was too afraid to take on out of fear of the unknown, I see myself as a man who has lost so much by choosing to do nothing. Maybe it was me  being a coward  or simply being complacent with the life I had, i will never know.All i can say now is that i am alive to live the consequences for those mistakes.

Carelessness At its Best

I am an undergrad at the prestigious college 'Shri Ram College Of Commerce'.Its supposedly the best commerce college in India.So, one gets the impression that if you have been able to go beyond those gates, you are something in your life. I used to think or rather tell myself exactly that for the first few days of my college.Though my stand on the capability of the students here has still firm , but now i seriously doubt the       to what good the degree offered here actually is and to what level of advantage it might offer me in the competitive world outside.
By the means of this article  i don't mean to criticize my college but do exactly the opposite.Its actually the best college in terms of exposure and learning experience. I assure you, you will not be able to see such kind of a fun-filled college life anywhere else, at least not Delhi University.So, basically there is balance of everything.
For me as a student, SRCC has been a life changer.It can do something to you that no other college can,which is,'Help you stand out and know yourself more', condition being you are bold enough to try out things.In the first couple of months, my agenda was to make a really good social circle within the college, for i had not been able to do so in the last school that i had attended(I have attended total of 8 schools during my life,:p).Though in the midst of increasing your social quotient, you miss out on actually making 'good friends', which i sincerely regret.

NOw ThAt ThE LoVe Is GonE

Wandering through the college with a heavy heart, i felt a tinkle of stress and desperation crop up on my mind as i tried to figure out to what exactly happened to me out there in the class sitting beside her.It's not that i am one of those who feels really under confident to go about having a conversation with a girl, and certainly not when that person happens to be my good friend. But clearly i had some emotional issues.
It was just another day at college,the only difference being that with the ongoing whether conditions, my patience dries out faster than it should.I find it hard to register a single word that my sweet teachers blurt out of their mouths assuming that we would actually be intently listening to whatever they have to hammer upon our heads.My interest is usually diverted somewhere or the other.I keep looking at random things and start using my imagination to give them a good story to behold their existence.But today, my concentration was clearly and totally upon her. Though i pretended to be too engrossed to be disturbed by what so ever my Economics Teacher was writing on the board, i couldn't help but glance at her through the corner of my eye.My imagination wasn't at its best, but my curiosity certainly was.
Right from the starting of the class, i noticed that she seemed to acting normally with everyone except me.She is generally very social and starts of a conversation with nearly everyone around her, which actually helps in relaxing the environment within the class.Today, though i noticed that in spite of sitting right beside her,i just seemed invisible to her.Now we have had this happening on numerous occasions before as well.But it usually happens for a single day and stops on the other. I somehow never bother to inquire to what is wrong,but today i felt this deep desire to ask her that. Through the course of the class, the only moment she may have stretched up herself towards me was only to borrow the eraser.She spoke to nearly everyone in the class during the class, chatting up about the syllabus, but not a single time did she say anything to me.Now these awkward  moments killed me inside.I wanted to just hold her arms, have her look me in the eye and tell me to what had happened. But then , just that moment, i somehow could not gather as i was battling myself to was it just ,overreacting to the situation or had o actually done something to cause distress.How can i tell her, that i care for her just too much and its high time she should stop pushing me away from herself.

So i let those moments pass by, thinking that may be as we walk out of that class, she will resume behaving the way she usually does.But as the class got over, she got up really fast and left,

When i started out as a freshman at college, i was this hesitant timid person whose level of boldness probably stayed limited to four walls of the house.This certainly wasn't something that i am proud of, and was in desperate need to do away with such an attitude.But such changes aren't easy to imbibe as they require tremendous level of courage, grit and determination.In such situation all that a person needs is a 'CATALYST', good or bad to bring about the necessary change in ourselves.

Well the story starts this way.As i entered the gates of  that heavenly epitome of education, hardly had i prepared for what was to befall on me.Clearly i had wanted to have a normal start to my college, making lots of friends while keeping a tab over the burden of collegiate pressure of studies.Being a teenager, and my testosterone level shooting high up, i had mentally prepared for the disappointment of not having 'Angel' like humanoids roaming around the college premises to keep my morals high.But on the contrary, the college had be startled as it wasn't weak in that department.Ranking people would be bad as it gives a sense of total disregard to human character, but still i would we have a lot 9s & 8s in my college.That was a relief actually.My love life hasn't been something worth talking about.I have put myself in that fray on very few occasion and have been handed a pink slip every time.So i thought maybe it is time to start afresh and what could be better than being surrounded by motivating beauties.But trying too hard can have really harsh consequences.

I had this person in my class who apparently seemed nice(at least during the start) and was indeed very beautiful.So its fair enough to say that after a drought of real'fun', i was inclined towards earning myself something well deserved enjoyment.I developed a crush over her in a way.She and me became close friends eventually.Roaming around together , chatting up at class, it was like living a dream.But i have to say, i wasn't to determined to take things a step ahead any soon.But then i came to know that i was lying to myself since i 'discovered' myself soon.

There was this college trip that had come up in the very 2nd month of our joining the college.Though i wasn't really interested to go, my friend insisted, so i went along with the plan.We went for an overnight stay at a resort in the suburbs.

Well the trip was basically an induction trip by the seniors of the society i was  a part of  and was meant to act as a bonding session with the seniors.We had lot of events like zorbing, paint ball arranged up for us.But i never really felt like doing any of it,mainly because i  have become this self-absorbed person, who somehow tries to distance himself from fun and enjoyment.Me roaming around and giving company to my 'friend' only acted as an excuse.I know how i am and even if  you ask me why i lack that zeal and enthusiasm in my life, i would only present a big quizzical look on my face. Anyways, as the night neared, everybody geared up for the pool party.Again i was very adamant on stepping back and did little to show any sign of eagerness towards what was to follow.

As the pool party began, people got crazy.There was a lot of boozing and i wasn't into that too.But then my friend was pushed or rather picked up by one of the seniors and pushed right into the pool.Now maybe only to be part of the 'fun' she was having , i also started off with a couple of drinks(i regret that moment).Now you see, for people like me, little dose of cough syrup can make me drowsy, let alone NEAT shots of whisky, vodka and rum.After maybe 10-12 rounds, i was me no more and had completely lost control of myself.I started shouting, singing dancing, uttering bullshit and God knows what.Now suddenly i for the first time in my life was being seen as a fun-loving person.But then all that really didn't matter much.Of all i remember , i may have tried to coz upto my dear 'friend' too soon and it only ended up in a disaster.My friend who was very much sober didn't get the Friendly vibes from me, and distanced herself from me.

The next morning i was BACK.It didn't feel good to be back as for that night was something really amazing barring the incident between my friend and me.I didn't remember much of the night but i was told that i was pretty much messed up.As for my friend, i couldn't really look her in the eye.This is something that followed up for the rest of the semester.It was a very painful thing for me, but then i apologised and as of now things are fine.I like her as a friend and see that it is best for both of us if things remain that way.

P.S-I haven't had alcohol since.

The waste of talent

On a casual note, we all have been witness to how the Indian Education system smothers free thinking to function like a uniform product manufacturing machinery.Regardless of your talents you are subjected to the gruesome burden of the unwanted and extensive syllabus in spite of  knowing that you may not actually need that knowledge for your future.As a result of this everyone just ends up wasting their time doing something that they never really wanted.
Throughout the world our education system is renowned for its quality and the level of difficulty.I will honestly acknowledge probably it is this unwanted amount of study is one of the reason to why we stand out, but one has to consider this fact as well, that there are better ways of imparting knowledge among the youth than to maintain a curriculum which is pro-mass production and anti-individualism.
Couple of years back Kapil Sibal ,the then HRD minister came up with a set of radical measures to ease the pressure of our system.So, here is the fun part,he bought in the grading system in the Grade-10 boards.This according to his ministry would be a way to ease things up for the students,totally ignoring the fact that this would instead lead to amounting of apocalyptic level of pressure on the people as they enter grade 11.earlier, at least with the experience of boards students would be familiar of how to go about handling the boards.Declaring the 10th boards redundant wasn't the most noble of ideas.
Recently,something about introducing a 4 year course structure in Delhi University came up.This is only makes me wonder to who exactly sits and comes up with such ridiculous decision which are not only stupid but also outrageous.I'm not against the introduction of a system which allows people to take up specific subjects and hence, design their own degrees, like the way it is in American college,but the sheer fact that our infrastructure at college level and staff are not equipped to handle such loads makes me think how ignorant can the decision makers be.Is it soo difficult to analyse the practicality of an option.I won't be surprised if such decisions are taken by bunch of people who are wiling to jeopardize other people's lives only to gain little recognition in their work-field.

Being Introvert

Well, through the course of my life, I've been this introvert person who has never felt the urge to go about talking when I don't feel like it. People sometimes think of introvert people as "uncool".But you see, I just like to keep things to  myself rather than being vocal about anything and everything I feel and experience. But many a times I feel left out because apparently there are  fun frolic people around me like to hang around together and I don't see myself as one. Though I have decided to live life in a better manner now.As the saying goes 'Be the change you want to see, and the world erik change around you'.